Empowerment: Finding & Growing Our Power

The power we earn through our words, our actions, and each other

We’ve lived through unprecedented times. The amplitude and frequency of change has been steadily increasing over the past five years (no that’s not right) decade (still too short) generation (wow, but yes). At first we grappled with volatility; we recognized that the world can be uncertain1. The last three years forced us to confront how our world can change in every way, overnight. We have been forced to reckon with enormous societal, professional, and personal change at a speed and scale none of us had experienced before.

We have been on a journey of understanding and many are grappling with how to move forward. I’ve observed - in the press, social media, and in my own conversations with friends, colleagues, mentors and mentees - how these changes and overarching uncertainty have led to frustration, distrust, burnout, and a permeating sense of powerlessness.

"These changes and overarching uncertainty have led to frustration, distrust, burnout, and a permeating sense of powerlessness."

I am on a mission to empower people to recognize the systems we operate in, articulate the forces working against us, and act to dismantle these structures from the inside. I am empowering people to recognize their hopes, desires, fulfillment, and claim our space. This requires changing the systems around us.

The first step is to acknowledge the situation. This is real! So many feel the unsettled frustration, ambiguity, burnout, and distrust; we see people we love and care for feeling this way. What we feel is true.

Next, we act. We don’t run haphazardly into the fray, ready to fight: We prepare. And for this, I have a framework.

"I am on a mission to empower people to recognize the systems we operate in, articulate the forces working against us, and act to dismantle these structures from the inside. I am empowering people to recognize their hopes, desires, fulfillment, and claim our space."

Empowerment Framework

Having a plan, a blueprint, a framework to know how to channel our energy and do the work is the first step on a path to success. There are four ingredients for empowerment.

1. Intuition - listen to the mind
2. Strength - prepare the body
3. Advocacy - ignite the spirit
4. Expansion - enlist the community

Did I look this up on google or read it in a book? No. This is mine (copyright 2023 Leah Goldman LLC) compiled from my own experience and learnings. I share it here so that I can put this work out into the world, help others, and test the concept.

First, I discuss how we first determine where we want to go and then build the physical and mental fortitude to get there. We use our strength to shatter the barriers to entry and to prime our bodies and minds for the hard work to achieve our goals. Both of these elements are really within ourselves: the soul search and the personal fortification. Next we begin to move outward, to the space we share with others in the world: Advocacy and Expansion.

Intuition | Know, and trust, thyself

What do I want?

We must know where we are going. A general direction, not the full detailed plan. Otherwise any step, any move we make will not necessarily get us closer to our destination nor achieve the power to reach it. Some questions to consider to determine what we truly want:

• What brings me fulfillment?
• What makes me happy?
• What do I absolutely not want?
• What is success, to me?
• What is enough?

These are not light, easy questions. These are not questions we can answer off the top of our heads. These questions require going deep, understanding ourselves, and listening to the inner voice. This requires some level of stillness, canceling out the noise.

What we want is worthy. Knowing that conventional signals of success - a title, salary, status - may not be what will bring happiness is valid. Realizing that flexibility, autonomy, decision power, [insert wildest desires here]… are the elements that have demonstrable impact on how we use our time and our lives is, truthfully, life changing.

Knowing when something feels wrong - or right. Trusting your gut to make decisions. Listening to the inner voice whispering the true to you answer. Honoring that inner wisdom that leads us down the right for me path - not the right for them way.

Tools that can help

Our intuition is shaped by our lived experiences and the stories we absorb that imbue our values and beliefs. Honing intuition is a process and here are a few tools I’ve used that have helped me to increase the volume of my inner voice.

• Meditation - being still and settling the mind. In the past I’ve used the Headspace app, which is a great way to get started. Still Life by Rebecca Pacheco is a fantastic primer and has real, actionable tools that anyone from novice to experienced practitioners can use.
• Journaling - let it out. Write it down. Allow your inner voice to speak up and share your truth. It’s also really fun to buy some new stationery supplies. But an old notebook or stack of printer paper is a great place to start.
• Tarot - I use the cards as a tool to gain perspective and tap into my true wishes. They tell a story and give a point of view - my reaction to agree and lean in or to disagree and work to counteract are insight to what have known all along.

There are so many tools and techniques that can help us sharpen our intuition and hear our inner voice. Let me know what works for you.

Strength | Prepare and train for your power

Training for life

By honoring our bodies - eating well, focusing on fitness, moving throughout the day - we are preparing ourselves for life, not just a temporary or near-term goal (run the race, hit the PR, fit in those jeans).

When we train our bodies hard, we learn how to function under stress. When we flex our muscles, we remind ourselves of how strong we are. In my powerlifting era, I set and achieved a goal of deadlifting twice my body weight. When I feel like something is hard, or that I don’t have what it takes to do it, I think back and visualize myself lifting two Leahs on either end of a barbell.

When it really gets tough, we need to know how to manage through, how to fight and do the hard things. Be strong and take up space! Get comfortable being visible and living big. Move and speak your intention. Be confident that you can achieve your intention because you are strong and unstoppable.

Building physical strength is a gift to your future self. Of course, there are health benefits (strong bones! healthy heart!) and there are also the benefits to our confidence and self esteem. This physical strength will translate into strength in all areas of life, especially when we need the strength to push back, speak up and act.

When I was on the Badass Moms podcast, I (very enthusiastically) discussed this point:

@kellydonahue_badassmoms​

Tools that can help

• A coach - I am a huge fan of coaching in all aspects of life, especially fitness. I’ve worked with several coaches (aka personal trainers) over the years and I’ve found that working with an actual human helps me to set and achieve ambitious goals. Hitting that 2x bodyweight deadlift goal (if you’re curious, it was 300 lbs) required a habit of going to the gym, proper form, regular practice, accessory work (pull ups, core), recovery techniques (massage, rest), and mindset. Could I do that alone? Maybe one of those elements… but not the whole recipe for success.
• Routine - building habits to get up and move, especially if this isn’t a current practice, is key. They say “the hardest part of working out is getting started” (“they” are so wise). If you have an intention and start, you’ll feel good when you’re in it. You’ll feel great when it’s done! You’ll feel sore the next day (and the day after…). I keep at it because the feeling after I haven’t worked out in a long time is a really big, uncomfortable, can’t-walk-down-the-stairs soreness, I don’t want to feel that way again. If I just stay with it, I’ll have periodic soreness after a hard day, but the overall way I feel and look will be better than any temporary discomfort.
• Experimentation - Find what works for you, where you are. I talk about powerlifting because that’s an extreme example. I’ve done it all, and what works for me is very dependent on where I am in life. I love a group fitness class when I want to be with people, Peloton cycling when I want to listen to music, sing and yell along with an instructor, or squeeze in a workout in 20 minutes. A long walk before/after school pickup/drop-off is a great mental reset. Yoga to stretch, breathe and be present (and sometimes to do a lot of pushups, depending on the class!).

Advocacy | Find, and use, your voice

This is a big step: Knowing what we stand for, flexing our muscles, using our will and strength to advocate first for ourselves, and then for others.

Self-Advocacy

The ancient Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu said, "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step". Our journey of a thousand actions begins with a single ask.

Stand up for yourself. Speak up and use your voice to claim what you want. Make the ask, state your objection. Get a bigger piece of (the) pie. My mom’s words are often in my mind: “Be your own advocate.” At the end of the day, you can’t count on anyone else to have your back unconditionally - you have to have your own.

It feels so good when other voices speak up to join our own, echoing support for what we believe and want. But they need a first voice to be able to join. What does your intuition tell you to go towards? That is the North Star. What’s your first little, tiny, baby step to get there? That’s your first ask.

This first step may be asking yourself for permission. Tap into your strength to get the ‘yes’. What do you need from others? Time? Space? Resources? Advocate for your needs. Remember, in case of a cabin pressure emergency, put on your own mask first before assisting others.

Advocacy for Others

Once we’ve built up our advocacy muscles, we can then build our ability to speak for others. We’re told we need to find advocates to achieve our career goals - this is absolutely true. We need people with skin in the game who go to bat for us. What do I mean by skin in the game?

Q: In a bacon-and-egg breakfast, what's the difference between the Chicken and the Pig?

A: The Chicken is involved, but the Pig commits!

The pig has skin in the game. Before getting, think about giving. Who might you advocate for? No matter where you sit in an org chart, or the role you play in an ecosystem, consider how you can use your voice and power to lift someone else.

By advocating for the people and ideals you believe in, you will gain more power and influence. You will be seen as someone who speaks with conviction about the things they value.

• When you champion someone to be promoted who deserves the progression, you will be seen as someone with a keen eye for talent and who uses their resources effectively.
• When you support a cause or leader with your time and skills, you will be viewed as a person with strong purpose, vision and generosity.

So when it is time for future asks, especially self-advocacy - these actions are part of your history of strong performance.

Tools that can help

• Small asks - Try asking for something small, temporary, or an easy ‘yes’. Stretch your advocacy muscles with an easy warm up. Getting a ‘yes’ is confidence building. Then expand from there. What if you get a whole day off next time instead of the evening? What if you get extra headcount for the big project?
• You already have the ‘no’… go for the ‘yes’ - Remember that your current state is already without whatever it is you are advocating for. Might as well try for the ‘yes’! This psychological trick helps me put my ask in perspective. So, what if you ask for it, what is the worst that happens? Typically, just being exactly where you are right now. But best case, you are on your path to success and confident to ask again, maybe next time for the bigger get.
• Practice getting ‘no’s’ - This Ted Talk from Jia Jiang was so inspiring for me. His goal was to be rejected for 100 days. He inoculated himself from the fear of rejection by trying to get people to say ‘no’ to him. Guess what, it was a real challenge! Most people want to say yes, and he had to make bigger, bolder, more outrageous requests to fill his quota. My favorite was asking for a burger refill.

Expansion | Speak with the spokes

Hub and spoke. Node and branch. Whatever mental image works for you, think about the connections you have in the world and those you might nurture to grow. This will help you move from being your own advocate to finding your advocates, and also broaden your reach and perspective through access to others.

Now is the time to find your own external advocates. The “skin in the game” people who echo your message, give you the credit you’ve earned, and lift you up. (Don’t worry, I wasn’t going to forget about you! We always get ours too!). First we have to learn to be advocates to know what real advocacy looks and feels like.

Expansion is also engaging and connecting with a community. Networking.

The term networking is intimidating, repulsive and triggering to a lot of people. I get it - the mental images of standing in a big room, business card in hand, schmoozing - yuck. The time, discomfort, wheeling and dealing to potentially, maybe meet someone who might, one day help me? No thank you. This attempt to attract strangers is an unnatural Outside-In approach. Let’s flip it and think about expanding from where we are.

You know people! Dozens of them! You went to school with them. You live near them. You see that same person around town all the time. Ask a friend to bring someone new to a coffee date. Share a budding interest or curiosity with a neighbor and see what, or who, they know about the topic. Start engaging these people - the old friends, the new acquaintances - and see what conversations and connections can come from what exists.

Expansion starts with building on the relationships and community we already have. Expansion is this Inside-Out, vulnerable, and curiosity-fuled approach to connecting. Expansion goes further when we use these connections to amplify our intuitive interests, our asks, and our impact.

Tools that can help

• Personal stakeholder map - How do you find your potential advocates? Look around your ecosystem - who are the people involved in your work, in the places where you spend your time? Who sponsors the work you do? Who benefits from your success? These may not be the people you see every day, like a boss or supervisor, so think out a few clicks from your usual orbit. By identifying the people who personally or professionally benefit from your achievements and success, you get closer to why the work is done and who actually cares: who has skin in the game.
• Be vulnerable - Chances are you know someone who knows someone who has some knowledge about the things that intuitively interest you. What if you put it out there? How might the people you already know be able to help you, and in turn help themselves, by sharing their knowledge or connections on the topic. By being vulnerable with the people we already know, we can reinforce our existing relationships and sprout new ones from these nodes. Much like my advice “you already have the ‘no’”, consider what’s the worst that could happen by sharing your intuitive interest… likely nothing! But you might gain a valuable connection, insight or perspective.

Repeat the Cycle

As I was writing this I almost stated “close the loop”. But this is not a loop - rather, it is a spiral emanating outward from our own intuitive interests and curiosity.

Expansion provides us perspective. We get input from others and can examine our ideas, beliefs and actions. We take this new perspective back inward, process it, and see how it might shift our truth. Continue to listen to yourself. Continue to build your strength and confidence. Continue to advocate, even louder now! And expand onward.

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